I'm Lovin' It

The world is full of wonderful, pithy adages. Phrases like “what goes around, comes around” and “people who live in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones” are vividly descriptive and often perfectly describe a situation or occurrence. The phrase “teenage boys will eat anything” is one such perfect phrase and it was proven in our house not long ago.

Son is now nearing the age of 16 and has shot up to over six feet in height over the past year and is still growing. His sophomore buddies are all growing too so when they descend on our house, it is akin to a plague of locusts from the Old Testament. Cabinets are stripped bare; freezers are emptied; and refrigerators are decimated. I’ve seen five packages of Oreo Double Stuff cookies disappear overnight.

A few weeks ago, Son’s two best buds – the Apostles (called such because their real names are Peter and Andrew) – came over to spend the night and play Xbox. I had stocked up the refrigerator with food that was easy-to-fix and did not require any skill other than knowing how to set a microwave. My method is to provide sustenance that they can fix themselves and then just get out of the way. I’ve tried cooking “real” meals for them but normal food is not what they crave during all-night Xbox marathons. They want junk food, plain and simple.

This particular weekend, I had thought I was being smart when I purchased a tub of Chi-Chi’s prepared taco meat and some tortillas. The boys would be able to heat up the meat and make their own tacos or burritos or whatever floated their boat. When Son came into my office and asked about supper I told him there was a container of taco meat in the fridge and some tortillas – they could construct their own soft tacos. They were thrilled! I could hear them in the kitchen arguing over the cheese and salsa as they worked to do a “Taco Bell” at home.

An hour or so later, I wandered into the kitchen to assess the damage and pour myself a Friday-night glass of wine. As I was reaching into the back of the fridge for the pinot grigio, my eye caught on the Chi-Chi’s taco meat container, exactly where I had put it under the sour cream when I unloaded groceries. It had obviously not been touched or moved. Huh? I KNEW they had eaten tacos because Son had asked me specifically how long to heat up the container of meat.

I straightened up and scanned the countertops. There was the empty tortilla bag; there was the shredded cheese; there was the salsa jar…and OH NO! There was the dog food container!

We have a very elderly Chihuahua named Clyde who has few teeth and a very picky appetite. He also has the early stages of kidney failure so I prepare special food for him about once a week. The “Clyde Food” contains hamburger meat, dog vitamins, cod liver oil, beef gravy and ground up Science Diet K/D Prescription Diet dry dog food. I prepare it in a week’s supply and store it in a Tupperware container in the fridge. Since he only eats about a tablespoon at a time, the container lasts quite awhile.

Evidently, what pleases Clyde pleases teenage boys, too, because they had eaten every last crumb of his homemade kibble. And they didn’t even know it!
I yelled out to the living room for them to come to the kitchen. They trooped in expecting to get a lecture on dirty dishes left but I casually asked “So, how were the tacos?”

They were enthusiastic – “Oh, they were great!”, “Yummy!”, “Really good!”

So I asked “Anyone feeling queasy or like you have an overwhelming urge to bark?”
I was faced with puzzled looks.

“Guys, you ate the dog food,” I stated. “HERE’S the taco meat.” I held up the unopened tub of Chi-Chi’s.

These three strapping young men turned white as sheets. No one uttered a word. After several moments of stunned silence, they looked at each other and then Peter said “Well, it was good! Clyde’s a lucky dog!”